Monday, February 19, 2007

Weigh-In Edition: Week 7

Well, phew.

This has been a mildly drama-filled week with the scale. Not like Maui Fever high intensity drama with lots of screaming and wearing of eyeliner, but more like The Hills-type drama with genteel handwringing. I really need to start reading books again.

My scale odyssey didn't stop at the purchase of the ultra-thin Weight Watchers scale I mentioned previously. I bought that as an impulse buy at Wal-Mart because I knew I needed a scale and because it was the second most expensive one there, so I was at least somewhat assured of quality. That's my philosophy on life, which is probably frivolous but seems to work... for instance, at a restaurant, always order the third least expensive or the second most expensive glass of wine and the waiter will coo at your good taste because he's tired of serving house labels. I swear. Also, I use the first stall in any public restroom because the second bathroom is always on a straight trajectory from the door and most people use that one instinctively. Also, yogurt is still totally okay tasting even if it's two years old and upside down in the back of your refrigerator next to the jar of capers, so don't let the expiration date give you pause.

Just little facts to help you on your way to self-actualization. I'm such a giver.

So, since I'm a total product whore, as soon as I got home I googled this scale and found out that even though it's ultra-sleek, and Weight Watchers endorsed, it may actually be single worst scale on the planet. Epinions writers gave it 1.5 stars. Amazon writers gave it 2 stars. Target writers offered a measly half star. The scale was supposed to be so inaccurate, you could weigh yourself, sit motionless for fifteen minutes, weigh yourself again and weigh six pounds heavier than the last time. And they were right...I tried that experiment and got three wildly different numbers in the space of an hour.

I repackaged the WW scale, marched it back to Wal-Mart, and instead left with the most expensive scale I could find...a Health-O-Meter Professional Body Fat Monitoring Scale. (Very long names=quality!) Woot...I feel like I upgraded from a Ford Focus to at least a Camry now. The screen is all colorful and it has fancy metal footprints to send shocks through my body to determine that yes, I am in fact very, very fat. It has a hydration monitor, and save functions, and it remembers all my vitals so it can chastise me for being fat every time. And the best part is that it's way accurate...measuring in .2 lbs increments and never varying from the total no matter how many times I step on the scale.

It still weighed me approximately two pounds heavier than my original scale, though, so I'm readjusting all my start totals, but the good news is...

I'm completely unfathomably but miraculously down 3.6 lbs. this week to 222.8 (101.1 kg)!

Brings me just .5 lbs. shy of my current lowest weight, and with the readjusted totals it means I've lost 11.7 lbs. (5.3 kg) total, and it also means...

I have lost the weight of this wheelchair from QuickPlace Medical Supply. In fact, I could haul my reduced bulk around on top of the weight of my Reduxed ass-fat just for the sheer joy of knowing I could get up out of the chair and walk away from it in the end. That is, of course, if I could shell out the $3,000 for the chair.

Hmm...I could totally use a corporate sponsor for all these rewards and stuff that are coming up. I'm looking at you, Starbucks.


lisa jane said...

You are hilarious and adorable.Love the way you describe your new scales ;)

Silas said...

Interesting tidbit about the WW scale - Sara and I almost bought one the other day. Now I'm exceedingly glad that I did not.

Congrats on the 10 pounds - it's a great mark to be in the double digits!


Vickie said...

You are too funny - love your posts.