Sunday, January 7, 2007

Yeowch.

My body definitely did not react well to cheat day. I even ate pretty moderately and now I feel like a Mack truck is slowly driving over my body, spinning its tires over my cracked rib, and unloading gallons of toxic waste into my digestive system. I am completely drained, had a lackluster workout this afternoon, and just want to sleep until Martin Luther King Day. Is this what periods do to dieting? I can't remember anymore.

I view this as a positive thing, though, because that means my body doesn't want to eat the sugar and the fat and the hideous fructose sludge that I consumed today. I tried to eat a piece of cake and drink a Coke, but I couldn't finish either because they were just too much. It was disgusting, and I'm pleased to know that Cheat Day doesn't have to be a necessary thing every week. Maybe just when I need it, or think I need it.

If I feel better in the morning, I'm going to start my first fitness challenge of the Redux, and boy is it lame. I'm going to do twenty crunches a day. I realize that if Britney Spears was reading this (and really, I like to design all my entries so that deep-fried, pantyless former pop princess happens to be surfing the 'Net will want to come back and maybe also buy me a Volkswagon Jetta this summer because she likes me so much) so JUST IN CASE Brit's reading I know she'd scoff at the notion of 20 crunches a day when she herself endures a thousand. Or used to before Sean Preston and KFed and the Cheetos and the walking barefoot through gas station urine. But I hate abs, and I don't think I actually have ab muscles so much as old Twinkies and other assorted snack cakes stacked up like bricks to protect my internal organs in there, so ab therapy is needed at this point. So, twenty this week and maybe add ten for each week after that. That means in 2020, I will have to do roughly 7,300 crunches a day at which point my abs will be able to scare small children and fight crime while I sleep.

I am now going to take three Advil and try not to cough, sneeze, breathe, or otherwise jar my cracked rib anymore today. Take very good care of you.

4 comments:

Lori said...

Have you tried crunches with a medicine ball? I actually like doing those when I can find it at the gym (and why would anyone WANT to hide a 5 pound ball?). Why do I like it? I get to lay down! A trainer told me that we need to work on ab muscles not b/c of the six pack but because we use it for things like getting up out of a chair, and it's good for us, blah blah blah.

Your cheat day sounds actually succesful. You didn't eat as much as you thought you might and your body said NO. Maybe cheat day is every 10 days or so.

Get well and take care of yourself.

Amanda said...

lol Erin you crack me up... I hope Britney is reading this... maybe she just finished doing her 1000 crunches! I know what you mean about cheat day... it is hard to eat what you normally used to eat and if youdo your body doesn't really like you for it. Take care of yourself and good luck with the crunches this week! :)

Meghan said...

This entry made me laugh out loud, you're too funny! Hope you feel better!

BigAssBelle said...

this has honestly never happened to me: tried to eat a piece of cake and drink a Coke, but I couldn't finish either because they were just too much.

i don't have whatever stopping mechanism folks are generally born with. i think god turned around for a minute when the brakes were being installed and i just whizzed on down the assembly line sans stoppers.

crunches. hate em. do em. i think that's part of why i'm feeling so solid and steady ~ it's very strange, but in a little less than two weeks my entire body feels different inside.

never tried w/medicine ball. might. used to do planks. talk about torture. definitely my weak point.